When I started gathering material for this posting, I discovered that nearly all the words for horrific, distasteful or disgusting sexual activity are reasonably well known and, quite frankly, worn out. They are words that… How can I put this delicately? They are words that you may have accidentally bumped into while enjoying perfectly innocent pursuits. In any event, they have not made it onto this list. I have not tried to bowdlerize this posting, I’ve simply confined myself to rare words. Here’s my list of ten.
1. Pansexualism. According to some myth or other, men think about sex every 7 seconds. It obviously isn’t true, but it’s a clever thing to suggest if only because it any such proclamation is bound to attract attention. The assertion is not so easy to refute either. You can simply observe the flow of your thoughts and see whether it’s true, but then you run into that thorny Heisenberg problem of interfering with the experiment by observing. But wait, who else is going to observe my thoughts, I wonder. In fact I wonder who made that beguiling little statistic up – probably a pansexualist.
“What’s a pansexualist?” you ask.
It’s someone who believes that all thoughts, even thoughts like “I wonder what is going to happen in the next episode of the Teletubbies?” or “Do ants sleep?” have their origin in the sexual impulse. If pansexualism is accurate then every thought you have is sexual, so as long as you only have 1 thought every 7 seconds (a little slow I fear) then the putative statistic quote above is correct by definition. Pansexualism is a really wacky idea.
2. Genicon: A genicon is a fantasy sexual partner who is envisaged or invoked while having sex with someone else who doesn’t quite capture one’s whole attention. Bizarrely, it is also the name of a company that designs, develops and distributes patented surgical instruments used in key-hole surgery. It is hard to know why the founders of the company chose such a name. Three theories present themselves:
- The founders have no idea about the meaning of the word because they never checked it out in a truly comprehensive dictionary. As such, there is a small business risk in protecting Genicon as a Trademark, since it is easier to register and protect a made-up word than a word that is already in the language.
- The founders chose the word as a direct metaphor, i.e. these are the surgical instruments that surgeons fantasize about using when they are carrying out operations using much more mundane instruments. If so, I salute the marketing imagination involved, but I’m obliged to advise that words that are merely descriptive can’t qualify at all as trademarks. (Metaphors as trademarks can be subject to legal dispute, this one is probably safe)
- The founders are pansexualists who expect surgeons to fantasize about surgical implements while having unexciting sex. (In which case there’s no way to protect genicon as a trademark.)
If you Google the word “genicon”, you get three pages of links to the medical instruments company before you get to the “objects of desire” links and even then they’re sparse. It’s therefore possible that Genicon (the company) is unaware of the word genicon (the fantasy). If so, then this posting will fix that area of ignorance.
3. Paraphilia. This is another word for sexual deviation, but the definition is over-precise since it specifically describes sexuality (including sexual fantasy) involving nonhuman objects, non-consenting partners or pain or humiliation of oneself or the partner. It could have simply said “abnormal sexual activity”.
If pansexualism is true, there’s no such things as a paraphile, but pansexualism is bunk, whereas paraphilia is well recorded, and covers a whole spectrum of bizarre and unusual sexual activity. If you’ve read Origins of the Sex Impulse by Colin Wilson you’ll know that human sexual behavior has almost no bounds and if you haven’t, my advice is “leave it alone – you don’t want to know”. But just in case you doubt me, consider the paraphilic activity of statue molesting. I am not making this up. This is not only a real phenomenon, it even has its own web sites: StatueMolesters.com and IHumpThings.com.