Xmas Words You Don't Know: #12 Parepochism

12. Parepochism. A parepochism is an error in assigning a date or historical time period. The holiday period is a complete agglomeration of parepochisms. For the sake of simplicity lets have a list to prove the point, and let me warn you that it is by no means an exhaustive list:

1. December the 25th is really celebrating the Winter Solstice (Yuletide, Hwoelor-Tid, Horus’ birth, Mithraic feast, etc.), which would be fine if it coincided with the Winter solstice, but it’s four days out. That’s because of the managing of the Gregorian calendar and the fact that the year isn’t exactly 365.25 days long – it’s 365.2422 days long. So as the centuries and the anomaly wasn’t corrected for, the Winter Solstice slipped back to December 21st, creating the supreme irony that, of all the holidays and holy days that make up the “Holiday Season”, December 21st is not celebrated by anyone except the odd Druid.
2. In Orthodox Christianity the situation is even worse, because they adhere to the Julian calendar and hence their Christmas comes in January at a much greater distance from the Winter Solstice.
3. December 25th is supposed to be Jesus’ birthday, but it’s really unlikely that it was because the earliest record of any date being celebrated for Christ’s birthday was around May 20th (according to Clement of Alexandria). That squares with the idea of there being shepherds in the fields. His birthday has also been placed in March and September by some theorists trying to interpret the facts.
4. But if you look for stars in the sky or special conjunctions, to satisfy the three wise men story, then there are lots of candidates; Jupiter in conjunction with Venus or in conjunction with Regulus or standing still in the constellation of Virgo. The problem is that all these occur prior to 1AD. For a full list of possibilities this is as good a reference as any. I wouldn’t go there though, because it will only confuse.
5. None of this is helped by the fact that the New Testament books of St Luke and St Matthew are a little bit contradictory. Herod (who was supposed to have massacred children at the time of Christ’s birth or within two years after it, according to St Matthew) actually died in 4BC. Unfortunately that doesn’t square at all with St Luke, because of the census ordered by Emperor Augustus and mentioned by St Luke, which Joseph went to Bethlehem for, actually took place in 3/2BC.
6. This leaves us with the supreme irony that there’s no evidence at all that Christ was born at the point where our Christian calendar (Gregorian or Julian, take your pick) actually starts.

All of this seems rather hopeless if accuracy is what you seek, but if accuracy is your thing then Christmas itself is hopeless. It’s an amalgam of:

• German and Norse gods and their traditions (Baldur, Woden, et al)
• Roman traditions and festivities (Brumalia & Saturnalia)
• Egyptian, Mesopotamian and Assyrian traditions (Nimrod and Semiramis)
• Christian tradition – including Christ’s birth and St Nicholas, but also the Feast of Stephen, The Feast of the Circumcision, The Holy Innocents and the Epithany.
• English and American literature (including Ben Johnson, Charles Dickens, Washington Irving, and others)
• A very effective advertising campaign by Coca Cola

That’s enough, although I could add more details to further confuse the picture. Let me end this series of Xmas words by wishing all my readers a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!